Hmm… Think I’m getting a bit poor at prioritizing my writing… There is so much going on, and not going on. Things that are immediate and things that seems to wait. Perhaps it’s we who havn’t really gotten our thoughts right of how we want to develop our lives from now. We think we know, but not everything falls into place as we plan and want…
Ever since we came home from our long journey, we have, as I see it, been quite clear about what we want and how we want things here at Hannagården to develop and evolve, but it seems as if the universe has other plans – as usual.
We work and work to get everything to develope as we think and plan, but all the time something happens that means we have to adjust our plans and in many respects just wait. To wait is in itself quite ok, if you know what you are waiting for and if you know that what you are waiting for really will happen. To wait with uncertainty about what is to be is probably one of the most awful situations you can be in. But we have no choice. We just have to put up with that it’s not either definite or clear. Perhaps it’s because we havn’t yet found the right formula for our future here on the farm, and yes, then it’s just to wait until the right thoughts and ideas fall into place. However, if it is not what we think , what is it then??? To walk in the dark and constantly adjust the ideas to find the right formula is terribly frustrating. Sometimes it feels as if we are trying to dig in a sea of canola grain. Each shovel gets deep, but as soon as the shovel leaves the grains other grains fall down to fill the hole. Sometimes it feels like an impossible task and the only thing you want to do is to throw in the towel. What the heck is it thet we are trying to accomplish anyway? Perhaps we are completely out of line. Maybe it is not at all what we believe it is to be to be… However, the feeling is too strong, so soon enough we’re back in full force with a somewhat modified plan of how everything should be that better fits what is happening around us – right now.
So, the time that has passed since we came home has really been like a roller coaster, or “up like the sun, down like a pancake!” But hey! We’re not about to give in and it’s actually quite instructive to wander in the dark!
Now that I think back on all the things I wanted to tell you I feel it’s slipping further and further away. It’s as if everything that happened lose its sharpness and I even have a hard time to remember the order in which everything happened. It is no longer important. What has been, has been. Perhaps it is that it’s forever gone, the memories no longer bring me back to that time with it’s feeling of a totally indescribable fear. It feels that way in any case, because now when I think back, I feel nothing but joy and gratitude for everything that happened. I had, as I said before, not been the person I am today and I would probably not have been able to feel the love that I do for all there is, if it wasn’t for all that happened. Perhaps it’s as I wrote in the blog “A new era, new frequencies, new energies – towards what?” several months ago ? In this new era we forget – what has been is no longer important, but it’s now, right now, that’s important.
So with that said, I would like to know if you would like me to continue to tell my story, because in that case I do. If not, then I thought to continue with life right now – in other words, that which is – not the past, or for that matter, the future!
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Hugs to all of you. // Pia